In the early years, celebrating each milestone our children achieve is common. Learning to walk, saying their first words, or sharing toys are moments we want to positively reinforce. But here's a key question: Is it better to foster children’s internal motivation or rely on praise and rewards to encourage them?
The Difference Between Praising and Motivating
Praising means acknowledging a specific action or achievement, like saying, “What a nice drawing!” or “You ran so fast!” However, praise, especially when overused or too general, can lead children to seek external validation. These comments usually focus on results or the adult’s opinion, which can diminish the child’s internal confidence.
On the other hand, motivating is about helping children find satisfaction in the process and their own effort. Instead of focusing on the outcome, it highlights the hard work, persistence, or enjoyment of the activity. For example, saying, “I see you worked really hard on that puzzle” teaches the child that their worth isn’t tied to success but to their effort and personal growth.
Intrinsic Motivation: An Internal Engine
Intrinsic motivation refers to doing something because it’s personally rewarding, not because of external rewards. For young children under 4 years old, this type of motivation can arise when they explore, play, or solve challenges on their own.
For instance, Lucas’s mom noticed her 3-year-old spending a lot of time building a block tower. When he finished, instead of saying, “You’re the best builder,” she simply asked him how he felt about his creation. Lucas smiled and said he felt proud. This experience helped him understand that the true accomplishment was in the process, not in external approval.
Fostering this motivation helps children develop key skills like curiosity, autonomy, and persistence. According to the book Positive Discipline A-Z by Jane Nelsen, it’s important for children to understand that what they do doesn’t define who they are, and that their personal value goes far beyond their achievements.
Praise and Rewards: Friends or Foes?
While praise and rewards have their place in parenting, overusing them can be counterproductive. Specific praise, like “You worked really hard to put that puzzle together!” can help children identify positive behaviors, focusing on effort rather than results. However, comments like “You’re the best!” or the constant use of material rewards can make children dependent on external validation for motivation.
A study published in Child Development found that children who received constant rewards for completing tasks showed less interest in activities they previously enjoyed. This suggests that relying on rewards or external praise can reduce children’s ability to find satisfaction in activities for their own sake.
Balancing Motivation and Praise
At ABCnMe, through our creative curriculum, we aim to strike a balance between fostering internal motivation and reinforcing effort with specific praise. We encourage children to explore and make decisions independently, allowing them to experience the joy of achieving something on their own. At the same time, we acknowledge their efforts with specific praise, avoiding an overload of compliments or material rewards.
Tips for Parents at Home
Here are some practical tips to foster your child’s internal motivation:
1. Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome
Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” say, “You worked really hard on that drawing.” This way, your child learns to value effort and perseverance.
2. Encourage Exploration and Autonomy
Provide your child with an environment where they can freely explore with toys and materials that stimulate their creativity, such as building blocks or art supplies. Also, allow them to make daily decisions, like choosing what to wear or what game to play.
3. Use Rewards Sparingly
If you choose to use rewards, make them occasional rather than routine. This way, your child will learn to enjoy the learning process instead of always expecting a reward.
4. Model Internal Motivation
Show enthusiasm for your own activities and share how proud you feel about your personal achievements. This will teach your child to find satisfaction in their efforts without needing external validation.
5. Avoid Comparisons and Encourage Self-Reflection
Avoid comparing your child to others. Instead of saying, “Look, your sister did it better,” encourage personal reflection with questions like, “What did you like most about what you did?”
6. Support with Words of Encouragement
Phrases like “I trust you” or “I know you can do it” are much more powerful than simply saying “You’re the best.” They reinforce your child’s confidence and motivate them to keep trying.
7. Teach Perseverance by Example
Share stories of situations where you made mistakes but continued until you achieved your goals. This teaches children that making mistakes is part of learning and that what matters most is not giving up.
Conclusion
Accompanying our children in their development means finding a balance between motivating from within and reinforcing with specific praise. At ABCnMe, we believe that by allowing children to find satisfaction in their own effort, we help them grow into confident and autonomous individuals.
Motivating without relying on constant rewards and praise not only teaches them that their value is independent of their achievements, but also provides them with a solid foundation for future learning and growth. Helping your child develop strong internal motivation is one of the greatest gifts you can give, and it will make a significant difference in their life.
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